Neurodiverse Relationship Dynamics™: A Three-Domain Framework
Neurodiverse Relationship Dynamics™: A Three-Domain Framework
Neurodiverse Relationship Dynamics™ (NRD™) describe the patterns that emerge when people with different neurologies—most often autistic and non-autistic—attempt to build and sustain relationships together. These dynamics are not caused by lack of effort, care, or commitment. They arise from fundamental differences in how different brains perceive, interpret, and navigate the social world.
NRD™ begins with perception. Autistic and non-autistic individuals take in social information differently, prioritize different cues, and rely on different internal processes to make sense of interactions. These differences shape how people understand one another’s intentions, how they experience closeness and distance, and how they respond to uncertainty or stress in relationships. Long before conflict appears, these neurological differences are already influencing how safety, trust, and meaning are constructed.
To fully understand NRD™, it is helpful to think in terms of three interconnected domains. Each domain represents a different layer of functioning that contributes to relational experience over time.
Psychological Functioning
The first domain concerns how individuals experience themselves within relationships. In neurodiverse systems, psychological functioning is often shaped by ongoing misattunement—subtle differences in perception that accumulate across years of interaction. This domain includes:
Attachment — how safety and trust are formed and maintained
Boundaries — how limits are sensed, communicated, and respected
Identity formation — how people come to define who they are in relation to others
Intimacy — how closeness is experienced, desired, or avoided
These processes develop internally, but they are deeply influenced by relational context. Over time, people may adapt by suppressing needs, blurring boundaries, or distancing from parts of themselves in order to preserve connection. When psychological functioning is not recognized as part of NRD™, these adaptations are often mistaken for personality traits rather than survival strategies.
Relationship Functioning
The second domain focuses on how people coordinate with one another once they are in relationship. This is where NRD™ often becomes most visible, especially when strain increases. Relationship functioning includes:
Problem solving — how differences are addressed and resolved
Action impact understanding — how clearly and to what extent each person perceives the effects of their actions on others
Passiveness, assertiveness, and aggression — how needs and boundaries are expressed under pressure
These patterns do not exist in isolation. They are shaped by psychological functioning and by the degree of safety present in the relationship. What may appear as avoidance, rigidity, or escalation is often an adaptive response to chronic misalignment rather than a deliberate relational stance.
Specific Social Situations
The third domain recognizes that neurodiverse dynamics change depending on context. The same neurological differences can produce very different experiences depending on the type of relationship involved. NRD™ plays out differently in:
Friendships, where expectations are flexible but repair is limited
Sibling relationships, where early roles and long histories persist
Parent–child relationships, where authority and dependency shape interaction
Intimate life partnerships, where attachment, intimacy, and daily coordination converge
As relational intensity and dependency increase, so does the complexity of NRD™. A pattern that feels manageable in a friendship may become exhausting or destabilizing in parenting or intimate partnership.
Holding the Whole System
These three domains—psychological functioning, relationship functioning, and specific social situations—are always interacting. NRD™ is not about fixing one behavior or improving one skill. It is about understanding how neurological differences shape entire relational systems over time.
When NRD™ is understood in this way, people are less likely to blame themselves or one another for patterns that were never individually chosen. Instead, they gain a clearer view of the invisible forces shaping their relationships—and the insight needed to make informed, self-respecting choices about how to move forward.
